48 minHow to Quiet Your Inner Critic and Build Self-Worth
With Melissa Ambrosini
Guest on the show
Melissa Ambrosini
Melissa Ambrosini is a bestselling author of books including Mastering Your Mean Girl, host of The Melissa Ambrosini Show and a speaker who helps women move from burnout and self-doubt to inner peace and self-love.
Episodes with Melissa Ambrosini
48 minWhat Melissa talks about
Ep. 260: How to Quiet Your Inner Critic and Build Self-Worth
Your macros can be dialed in and your workouts consistent, and still the voice in your head is telling you you're not good enough. In this episode, Nikkiey Stott sits down with bestselling author and podcast host Melissa Ambrosini to talk about the inner work that never shows up in progress photos but changes everything. Melissa shares how she went from dancing at the Moulin Rouge to a hospital bed in 2010, burnt out and dealing with anxiety, depression and an eating disorder, and why she realized she was the only one who could get herself out.
Melissa walks through her CAST process for handling your inner mean girl, how to tell that loud, critical voice apart from the quiet whisper of your intuition, and why it matters whether you eat and train from love or from fear. She also gets practical about real situations: telling friends before a girls' trip that you're not drinking, stepping away from gossip, and the simple daily practices she relies on to regulate her nervous system.
They finish on personal power and self-worth: putting yourself at the top of your own priority list, unlearning the story that you're too much, and what to do if your body has changed but you still don't feel at peace. Nikkiey's reminder to close it out is that strength isn't just physical, and emotional strength is the foundation of everything else.
- Give your inner critic a character with a name, a look and an outfit so you can separate that voice from the truth of who you are.
- Learn to tell the two voices apart: your inner mean girl screams and makes you contract, while your intuition whispers and makes you feel expansive.
- Check whether you are eating and working out from a place of love or a place of fear, such as training to punish yourself because you overate last night.
- Before a social event where you plan not to drink, call each friend individually, explain what you're doing and why, and ask for their support.
- When a conversation turns to gossip, either remove yourself or politely say it doesn't feel good and ask if you can change the subject.
In Melissa's words
Common questions
What is the CAST process for dealing with your inner critic?
Melissa's CAST process starts with creating a character for your inner critic, then becoming aware of when she is talking, then shutting the door on those thoughts, and finally coming back to the truth of who you are, which she describes as love and light.
How can you tell your inner critic from your intuition?
Melissa explains that one voice makes you feel expansive and the other makes you contract. The inner mean girl screams at you, while your intuition is soft and whispers, so you have to listen more intently to hear it.
How do you tell friends you're not drinking on a girls' trip?
Melissa recommends calling each friend individually before the trip and using what she calls crystal clear communication: share what you're working on, why alcohol doesn't make you feel good, how long you're committing to, and ask for their support. If someone isn't supportive, she suggests redirecting your energy to people who cheer you on rather than dumping friends.
What simple daily practices help regulate your nervous system?
Melissa's favorites are a breath of in for five, hold for five and out for five, meditation, asking your inner child what she needs before you open your eyes in the morning, and writing down what you're grateful for. None of them take long and all of them are free.
What if you've transformed your body but still don't feel at peace?
Melissa says that's where the inner work begins, and it can't be sidestepped. She points to inner child healing and internal family systems, or parts work, where you notice which part of you is being activated and reassure it.
How do you know if you're living in alignment?
According to Melissa, it comes back to the feeling in your body. If you feel contracted, choked or anxious, that's a sign you're off course, and if your work and relationships feel purposeful and expansive, you're in alignment.